Thursday, October 16, 2008

Madonna's divorce

It's a big peace of news and not really the biggest surprise but nevertheless I feel for Madonna and Guy. 7.5 years is quite a while to be together in showbiz world especially.
"Until death do us part" should be changed. Death rarely is what brings people apart. It's more life that seems to be getting in the way.

I believe it must be a huge relief to let the cat out of the bag finally. After all, did you really believe she bought a house to put only a gym into it? By all means it might be the main feature but you can get a gym without a house. I thought it was also a getaway place with a good excuse and an easy way as kids can go back and forth.

According to Madonna's brother Chris, Kabbalah has kept them going for longer than they possibly would have without it. As kooky as it may be, it provided a spiritual common ground and especially when it comes to couples so different from each other as in Madonna 's and Guy's case, that is hugely important.

Love, attraction and longlasting relationships can be 3 seperate entities. Sometimes they come together. In earlier days, one would pull through. So marriages lasted longer. But at what cost? In earlier days, women had to take it, men would take it, nowadays the paradigm has shifted. Life becomes more of a "what do I want" and "what choices do I make". I think that's a good thing but it does mean that a relationship might not last as long. At the end of the day, what is more important- to pull through a relationship or to be happy with your life?

Ideally the two exist together and because of each other. It takes a lot of commitment and willingness to make relationships work. Listening to each other's needs and accepting each other for who you are. It's oh so much easier said than done. But regardless of how easy or not it is, it is the foundation of a good relationship. Therein lies our choice.

I really hope Madonna and Guy can come to a peaceful settlement although I don't see "the easy way out" as a typical Madonna option. I guess she will stand her ground- unless the woman we see in the press is essentially different from the one behind the scenes.

I got upset reading the news, I suppose feeling quite close to Madge at times means I feel and empathise for her. I was so happy she had found love and a stable relationship, motherhood, a "normal " life...But she needs to feel free and be happy with it as well. My fear of course is- if she gets divorced, will I ever be able to be in longterm happy relationship?

And the answer came in form of my loving partner laying his arms around me saying: "babe, you are not her, so you can do what ever you want and I am here and I love you.
There is no point identifying with Madonna. You are only singing her songs, you are not living her life."

Spending a fair amount in her skin, it's good to take the time to reflect. So now I am being asked and interviewed about how I feel about this.
And here is what I would like to say:

I wish Madonna all the best for her new era. And Madge, if you read this and would like to pop round for a cup of tea, please make sure to let me know.
Madonna is a huge star with all the glory and glamour yet she is also a woman with a heart and this time can't be easy for her. Nor for Guy-though I don't feel as close to him.

I believe it's better to love and let go than to hold on in grief and anger. My parents separated when I was 5 years old and I know how painful it was but it was so much better than the arguments beforehand. The children whose parents stayed together "the the kids sake" suffered so much more. Divorce is never easy, relationships aren't always smooth sailing. Respect for making it through 7.5 years and giving it a good go. Being honest to yourself is the only way to be.

I am available for discussions and comments about Madonna and Guy's divorce, her secret to her longstanding success and how seperation affects a family.
Please do not hesitate to get in touch.

You can hear me speak about Madonna soon on BBC Radio 2 in special about Madonna by

Jhonny Kotsiofides.

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