Monday, January 21, 2008

The one and only

I recently embarked on the exiting journey at UK's ONE AND ONLY Madonna on BBC1.
after fabolous media coverage on Richard & Judy, Smooth Radio. the cover of Daily Mail magazine and BBC breakfast, I have now left the show....
Here is a little interview conducted by my imaginary reporter.

How does it feel to have left the competition? did you expect that?

I felt much calmer and cheerful than I expected. I cherished the time I have spent in this production and learned heaps. So I am not Britain's greatest tribute act- I think I can live with that. I have already won- I was chosen to be the one and only Madonna! In my never quite humble opinion that is outstanding!

Did you expect to go at such early stage?
No absolutely not. I saw myself going all the way. i visualized it and I gave it a real shot, training before the rehearsals, no drinking, early nights, the whole thing.

there were challenges from mic levels to family loss via etc. but I am not interested in excuses or reasons. The decision wasn't in my hands.

I got to face my darkest fear which is going out to do it and getting rejected/ loosing.
So many people dream of living their dream and yet we think but what if I go out and fail? and that's where it stops. I personally have a master degree in day dreaming.

I have done it now. and I realize: I am alive. maybe more alive than ever. It's amazing.

But it must have been hard to get voted out? or did you find it fair to go?
this competition isn't about being fair. It's about who gets the most votes. I didn't want to go and looking back at the performances I don't think I should be the one out but it's not my decision. so I am going from disappointed to accepting, from angry to sad to being fine and grateful and then reverse it. But please don't feel sorry for me, think about my boyfriend!!

What about the life changing opportunity to go to las vegas? Graham Norton calls it shattered for ever...
so the dream of going to las vegas is shattered now.
so that would be a good time to wake up then!
I got to be on the show, i worked hard which the team appreciated, I took real risks, I went way out of my comfort zone in my perfomance and I got to let go of the strange inhibition that holds most people down from even performing.

Do you think you've failed at being Madonna?
If you want to put it this way, I believe I have failed at becoming Britain's greatest tribute act. I have succeeded at getting myself to live my dream. My dream is to perform, shine and empower. make this world a happier place leading by good example. My dream is to be real.

You are said to be very competitive. How was it loosing against your fellow contestant?

Siam is very talented and deserves every great opportunity. I am happy for her to go through. I am a good looser. I have practised.
To me, it's not her or me, the lord works in mysterious ways. Siam keeps telling me " girl you're going places, you really are" I agree- and so is she.
I trust it happened at the right time for me- Staying means working on perfecting Madonna. Going home means getting cracking on being Evelyne.

How hard is it to be voted out by your fellow contestants?
we have bonded really well so it's excruciating for all of us- this is the worst part for us and it makes great TV. the votes are based on performance- in the studio, you can hardly hear the head set microphones- would you vote for a performance you didn't hear? I wouldn't. I don't blame them and plus I think Siam is wonderful! She deserves this, too!

How hard is it to be Madonna?
If you are Madonna possibly quite hard at times but very rewarding. For me, this was about acting and paying tribute to Madonna. She is a challenging person to perform as. I don't want to be her, I want to learn from her. It's been interesting to watch people confusing what's what, they say I was in character the whole time...well, I was in my character most of the time and added some extra Madge. But in this sort of programme the lines are becoming more fluid. It's good fun to develop the Madonna in me though.

Which part of the show did you enjoy the least?
I found it really hard to say things they wanted to hear like how are you feeling now? how exited are you? How important is this, what does this mean to you? I think a little differently in the way that I don't talk much in emotional words though I am very emotional and I feel a lot- I don't like describing feelings when I am not sure what they are yet. after a session, I often feel tired and grateful, satisfied. it's like being asked after dinner what do you think about food? I am happy just want to nap now thanks. we can talk about it over coffee sometime.

I don't like talking wishy washy yet I have learned that people get to know you better if you explain what you are going through emotionally. I am a bit of a get on with it type- moving on swiftly rather than indulging in the " this is what I am going through now" part. I hope it doesn't make me come across cold- it's simply a different approach. My feelings are very private to me and I like to share them after I have evaluated them. I need that extra bit of time.

What's next for you?
Someone said backstage that I was really good at doing Madonna but there was something about Evelyne he wished the world would get to see. that was my wake up call. It's time to unleash the Brink. I want to continue the work with the coaches on my own music and then let myself loose to spread some passion and empowerment. I would love if Madonna got behind me and support the lyrical pop I am creating.
Performing and public speaking opportunities are coming my way. Combining confidence building coaching and music is the big thing for me.
I like the cameras and the dressing up bit- how about some more lookalike/modelling/ film work? bring it on!

Are you going back to your office?
I believe in taking opportunities and creating your own luck. I am in a good position to move forward in my music and coaching career but there is a big difference between jumping out of a plane and jumping without a parachute.

Do you ever give simple yes and no answers?
only Mondays and Wednesdays between 9am and 11:30.

Do you think being German was an added challenge?
I am sure being German is a challenge- try it if you get a chance! If you mean regarding votes, it's up to the whoever has a challenge grow out of it.. a third generation survivor jew, I speak from personal experience.

Have you enjoyed the experience?
It's been an amazing and challenging time for me. I have had a crash course in media, performing, camera technique, great coaching and the best costumes and makeup.I made great new friends. I absolutely loved that. it's hard work- it's pressure, I am so grateful for this great start to the year.

Friday, January 11, 2008

a tribute to my Granddad

It never comes at the right time. Yet this was possibly the best time for my granddad die.

I had my profile filming last night and was going through pictures of times gone by, as my tears rolled down my cheeks. they asked me: why are you crying? I said, oh my granddad is 98 and I just don't know how much longer he will be here. I visited him on Christmas along with my mum, sister and my partner.
This morning I put on my black outfit- I don't wear a lot of black. today I did.
And at 11:22 I had a message. Papy ( that's how we called him) has just fallen asleep. kisses, Mum.

I screamed and cried. I loved my granddad. He was so special to me. He was the funniest and most serious man I know- he 's the man who paid for my piano lessons as a kid and got me to the theatre...( ok and he dragged me to way too many museums)

when we visted him, he asked Thomas about Greenland's dependance on Denmark and weather they had their own stamps.
He would lecture about the main industries of Malaysia, world history and of course the history of the church. He knew sooo much!
I still don't, because I keep thinking: how on earth does he keep all this information in his head?

He had a good time when we were there and my sisters invention of creme cointreau, a sweet desert tastefully disguising the protein powder was the last thing he insisted of eating.

Walter Oppenheim was a diplomat who was responsible for paying out compensation money to the Jewish people on behalf of the German government after world war 2. He was of Jewish origin, having survived working camps and imprisonment.

It must have taken some guts to work for the German government after the war. The way he saw it was that the real Germans weren't in the country when Hitler took over.
He set a good example of what it means to be German. He was very cultured, intelligent, curious and would get out of his own way to help others.

I think of him as an inspiration.

Tomorrow is my first live performance on THE ONE AND ONLY. I am dedicating it to my granddad.

Thank you for your support and good wishes.