Madonna on the Isle of Sheppey

Madonna got signed to do 2 gigs in Dubai for £12million. I got booked to sing at a Holiday Park on the Isle of Sheppey. That’s success.
I am a holiday park virgin. I know many people have said that you can do very well for yourself playing the parks and there are many of these establishments out there…
I must admit having started my singing career in the Hyatts and Hiltons, national theatres and NY prime cabaret venues, I was in for a real treat…

My dinner choices consisted of Fish and let’s see…chips! And I just couldn’t decide.

I witnessed a girl getting bullied by a boy on a bike “ so you think you’re untouchable?” He proclaimed, and proceeded by counting the rings of fat on her body out loud.

It’s that kind of situation that makes me cringe and think I should tell him off but I am too scared him and his friends might carry knives or something…
Is it crazy to think like that?
These kids just looked sooo bored.

We ate in front of Las Vegas- a playhall with slot machines. And we counted our blessings.
Guy Thomas and me. And went to the sea. We had a lovely romantic walk at the sea.

How was I going to perform and interact with my audience?

The management was extremely nice. Lovely guys.
The Bingo was in full swing when we got to the venue and we caught the last act of the Britain’s got talent final.

The hot rollers warming up, I warmed to “an audience with Neil Diamond”- kind of nice to have a Saturday telly experience while out to work.

10pm- it’s showtime. 15 children huddle in front of the stage. 200 adults hide safely behind a lager. A huge empty dancefloor lies between me and the crowd.

I start with my stretching routine which gets me friendly with the blokes and maybe not so friendly with the ladies, who knows. The pink leotard is a crowdpleaser.

The kids want to dance, so up on stage you come. 3 of you at a time.
They did so well. So what’s your name? Abbey.
Well done Abbey that was great. You are really cute. Can I adopt you?
Yes.
Ohhh…ok…
Anybody else who would like to be adopted by me?
The kids scream: meeeee
That is so easy! Why does Madonna go all the way to Africa if kids are up for grabs here for free?
The parents laugh. Brilliant. Now we have a bond.

It was a really fun evening. The people were absolutely lovely. It’s fascinating to get to know your audience. They seemed miles apart from me when I started and we warmed to each other until the applause went on and on…

I am definitely coming back. I enjoyed performing to a crowd that wants to be entertained. I enjoyed they wanted to be talked to.
The kids wanted to share the experience and dance with me.

Madonna doesn’t know what she is missing.

Me, Madonna and I

It wasn't my idea. I must admit. It started when I was 15- I was an exchange student in the US, my host family took me to Florida and the boys at the beach whistled: hey you look like Madonna.

I thought it was a joke.

When I moved to NY, people turned heads and said: oh my God, you look like Madonna! You know she lived here in this area.

(picture above is the real Madonna, all other pictures are me...)

I knew 1 person when I moved to the big apple. A friend of my mum's friend friend. I arrived in town with 2 suitcases and a key in my hand. I had gotten the keys 3 days before departure. My mum's friend has a friend who has a flat he didn't use at the time.
He happened to be in frankfurt at the time and I got his flat. It was a miracle.
His friend lived in the music building. That's where Madonna had her first management.


And that's where I went to get my duvets and pillows. My flat had 2 rooms. 1 with stuff piled form the floor to the ceiling. I am not kidding.
the other one empty with gates in front to the window.My feather boa made it look a little nicer.

I will tell my NY story another time. suffice it to say I learned that Madonna and I had a few things in common. I turned up in the same area as her, my attitude reminded people of her, my voice reminded of her and my looks.

Cool, I thought, maybe I can also have a similar success?



I was also in love with an english man, a personal trainer. Madonna has her first child, Lourdes with a personal trainer, then married English film director Guy Richie.
I promise you, it's independent of her. We have a very different taste in men ( sorry Guy)
Funny enough though, when I moved to London, the first manb I dated was a Guy named Richie...

Madonna means "mother of all spiritual"
Evelyne (little Eve) means: "mother of all material"



These are my accounts of the wacky life as a Madonna look and soundalike.

Be yourself, I say, you never know who you become